The Trouble with Kris
by RJL Shiro
Summary: Is this another story redo fic? F*** no, this is the story of Kris and how he got out of his horrible habit of swearing and insulting people's mums. Watch him go through his life and slowly but surely become less and less of a pr***, with the help of his new mentor and future best friend, Tsukiko. Rated T for language, obviously.
1. 1: Shingeki no Sensei

_**Shingeki no Sensei**_

"Alright, with all due respect, you can shove your opinion up your ass!" Kris yelled at the old withering corpse who had just told him he swore too much and was too offensive. The third Hokage wasn't surprised with his hostility, but this guy was a real a-hole. "Kris Yoshiaki of the Hidden Cloud, you will refrain from using that sort of language! For God's sake, there are kids at the academy!" Kris didn't give a damn about that, he could swear wherever he wanted. Rules were made to be broken, right? "Now, now, Hiruzen, never use the Lord's name in vain. Too many slip-ups like that and you're goin' straight to Hell, buddy. Won't be long, either. When you eventually croak, I hope we'll have a Hokage who isn't such a total prick."

"Hurling insults at the Hokage won't get you anywhere, kid." Anko sat in the corner of the room, watching the conversation. Kris turned towards her. "What's with the trenchcoat? You some kinda drug dealer?" Anko shook her head. "Then you're some kinda flasher, right? No normal ninja wears a trenchcoat like that without being into something shady or publicly frowned upon." At this rate, Kris would just upset everyone. Hurling harsh remarks to everyone he could see, he moved on to Danzo, who was standing next to the Hokage at the time. "And you, you scruffy bastard, sort your hair out! I don't care how ugly you are under those bandages, that's no excuse for not combing your hair at all!" Danzo was quick to respond. "Why, you..! If I were allowed, I'd have already killed you..." Kris wasn't intimidated at all. "Well bring it on, you grumpy fuck! I'll make you wish you were dead!"

Kakashi entered the room, and noticed everyone looking terribly offended, with one dark-gray-haired ninja who seemed to be the reason everyone was upset. "Hey... uh, who's this?" He asked, as everyone braced themselves for a tidal wave of insults to gush out towards him. But they didn't quite get what they expected. "Holy shit... It's you...!" It seemed his reputation as the Copy Ninja of Konoha earned him a little mercy. "You're the guy from that game, Metal Gear Rising, aren't you!?" or maybe his reputation went unnoticed. "Oh my crap, it IS you! The gray hair, the one eye covered up, the metal jaw you're hiding under your mask...! Sign my shirt! Sign my chest! Sign my-" Kakashi had to cut him off there. "I'm afraid you've got the wrong person, eheh... I'm Kakashi Hatake." Kris stopped for a second, and then smiled. "Ohh... you're undercover, right...? Ok, i'll keep it a secret, Jack-sama." Kakashi had no idea what he was on about, but at least he didn't get burned like the other Leaf higher-ups.

"Regardless, Kris Yoshiaki..." Lord Third began his sentence and informed Kakashi of the newbie's name simultaneously. "...the reason I brought you here was to discuss your status as a respectable ninja." Kris was confused "What do you mean, old guy who can't talk without his dentures?" The insults were really starting to get to Hiruzen. "What I mean is that you are too irresponsible and far too rude to be allowed out on missions on your own anymore. As such, we have prepared a particular ninja to be your mission partner, and to keep you in check when visiting other villages. That ninja is Tsukiko Pamera. Also originally of the Hidden Cloud. You'll meet her tomorrow." Kris couldn't bear the thought of having to be looked after whilst out on missions... to a 16 year old, this was just embarrassing... but with Danzo and Anko both looking like they were ready to murder him next time he said something insulting, he had no choice but to cut his losses and leave. He mumbled to himself as he left the room, hating the guts of everyone in that room. Except Kakashi. He was a total boss in that game. Kris went back home and launched himself onto his bed, giving not one single shit towards anything he had been told that day.

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Thanks for reading! Chapter 2 will be out tomorrow, hopefully, so keep track of this fic if you like it!


	2. 2: Just One Piece

_**Just One Piece**_

The next day, Kris woke up in a horrible mood. Today he had to go meet this girl who's supposed to babysit him on missions to avoid him swearing and offending people on missions. But Kris wasn't just gonna let them trample over him. He was gonna fight back, how dare they try to hold him back? Kris was a free man, nobody could hold him down! Well... they could if they were tough enough, Kris was strong, as any ninja should be, but there were stronger ninja out there. Regardless, he got up, and got ready for the day.

He arrived in the main hall of the academy and looked around. It looked like there was gonna be a party or something, tables laid out with cake and other sweet foods, enough for an entire class to feast. After a quick scan, he saw a black-haired girl in a green chunin jacket, just like he was. She seemed to be the same age as him, if a little shorter than him. She was eating a slice of cake, which caused his stomach to grumble. In his haste to get to the academy after wasting his time playing video games before he had to go, he had skipped on breakfast, and now he was starving. She saw him, but didn't say anything, probably because she was stuffing her face with cake. She gestured for him to walk over to her, and he did, before reaching straight for a piece of cake. His hand was slapped away, as the girl finished off her slice of cake and began to talk.

"You must be Kris?" He already didn't like her. She was denying him food, and that was a pretty big no-no in Kris' mind. "What's it to you, fat face? I'm starving, and i'm sure you'd rather keep shoving that cake down your throat than stop me from doing the same." The rumours were true. He really was as rude as they say. "I'm Tsukiko. Tsukiko Pamera. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance." She said as she wiped her hand clean of crumbs and reached out to shake his hand. "Yeah, whatever. You're the one the old dude wanted me to meet, right? uh, Suzie?" Kris had already forgotten her name. "Tsukiko. Say it with me. Tsu-ki-ko." He still didn't care. He just wanted cake. "Let's start again, Kris. I'm Tsukiko Pamera, and I am going to be your new roommate from here on out. Anko Mitorashi is going to watch your progress as you inevitably become less rude and warm towards everyone in the village and become an easily respectable ninja. Kakashi Hatake is going to put you through several exercises with me to teach you how to be less of a douchebag. Nice to meet you, by the way." Kris was silent for a moment. Nobody told him all this shit! As far as he knew, this girl would be the one to handle formal situations in missions, and then she'd stay out of his way. But apparently not.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck? Since when were you gonna be my roommate? Since when was Anko gonna be stalking me, and why is Jack-sama gonna make me do a bunch of tedious, shitty jobs?" Tsukiko was confused at the name 'Jack-sama', but she'd heard weirder nicknames. "Let me put it this way. Agree to all of this, and you get a slice of my cake." Kris was sold. "Deal." That was easy. Tsukiko passed him a piece of cake as promised. "Oh, by the way, we kinda gotta go. Like, right now. The rest of this food and party stuff is for the ninja who've recently become genin, and I figure they'd be pretty annoyed seeing us chunin eat their cake. I mean, Iruka-sensei said I could have those two slices, but still... Let's go." she said, standing up and grabbing his arm as she pulled him out of the room and out of the academy, Kris still desperately trying to keep hold of his cake.

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There it is, Chapter 2. Chapter 3 will be out either later today or tomorrow. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	3. 3: Tsukiko, One Punch Ninja

**_Tsukiko, One Punch Ninja_**

Tsukiko led Kris out of the academy, and then turned towards him. "Alright, finish your cake and i'll show you the way to where we'll be staying from here on out. Just bear in mind... My job is to stop you being... well, as much of a dick to everyone. And I won't stop just because there'll be no authority around at our place. As far as you're concerned, I am the authority. Got it?" Tsukiko wouldn't admit it, but she loved this position of being able to boss someone around. "Well, if by 'got it' you mean 'completely ignored it' then sure." Despite eating a cake at the time, Kris could still talk clearly enough to get his point across.

"Oh, and by the way, Anko permitted me to knock you out if you got too troublesome." Kris chuckled when he heard this. "Like to see you try it, princess. A dainty girl like you couldn't knock out a fly, let alone a big guy like me, hah!" Really, Kris wasn't that big, but he was a little taller than Tsukiko at least. "Oh? Sure about that are we?" Kris folded his arms. "Positive, come at me, bitch! We'll see who's laying on the floor when we're done!" The look in Tsukiko's silver eyes changed to a deathly stare, intimidating enough to scare even the Raikage. "...Did you just call me bitch...?" Kris knew he made a mistake, but he was too stubborn to back down now. "You bet your ass I did! What'cha gonna do about it, shortie?" Tsukiko was breathing heavily at this point, probably trying to calm herself down. She hated being called a bitch, and in the past had actually mercilessly killed enemies who called her that. "Kris... stop, now. Because I swear, you'll regret it." Kris just chuckled, not believing she had the strength in her to knock him down. "Y'know, Tsukiko, you're probably right. I will regret calling you a bitch when you're flailing at me like some genin newbie. It's real irritating when kids think they're hot shit and when it comes to a fight, they just fight... like... a little... BITCH!" Tsukiko had enough. She looked at Kris' smug prick smile and punched him in the face with enough force to knock a friggin' rhino out. Needless to say, Kris wasn't mouthing off at her anymore. Hell, Kris wasn't even conscious anymore. He lay on the ground with a huge black eye, as Tsukiko sighed. "I warned you... I really didn't want to do that..." Tsukiko picked up Kris' unconscious body and headed towards the place they'd be staying in.

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Kind of a short chapter here, but still, thanks for reading! Chapter 4, if i'm lucky, i may be able to publish today, or i'll leave it until tomorrow. Either way, thanks again!


	4. 4: I'll Take a Potato Chip

**_I'll Take a Potato Chip..._**

Kris woke up with an intense pain in his left eye. "Shiiiit! This stings like a son of a bitch!" He opened his right eye after shutting it in pain and looked around. He was in a room, pretty comfy looking, with a few doors leading into separate rooms. If this was where he'd be staying, then he'd be ok with that. He tried getting up, before realising he was tied to the chair he was sitting on with wire usually used for traps. He was confused, but scared shitless. What happened? "Oh, Kris, glad you could join us." He looked to where the voice was coming from to see Anko eating a bag of potato chips. "Us..?" He asked, as he could only see Anko. "Heeey, Krissy~!" He heard, coming from one of the doors. "Who's there? And don't call me Krissy, show yourself, ya little bitch!"

The door flung open, revealing Tsukiko, wearing an apron and wielding a very intimidating knife. "What was that, Kris? I thought you called me the best roommate in the world, am I right!?" Kris nodded frantically. He was already in a pretty shitty situation, getting stabbed, or worse, wasn't exactly something Kris was itching to do. "Oh, good~ I was just making lunch for Anko and me, we're gonna be out for a couple hours to discuss your attitude~ You hungry?" Kris was actually kinda hungry, but before he could answer, he was interrupted by Tsukiko saying "Aww, what a shame... We've only got enough for two people... Oh well~! Hey, while we're out, we'll leave the radio on some lovely classical music for ya, how's that?" Kris hated classical music. "Hell no! Don't leave me here, starving and forced to listen to that shit! This is torture!" Anko laughed. "Karma's a bitch, isn't it kiddo?"

Holding a large lunchbox, Tsukiko walked towards the front door and opened it after taking her apron off. "Ready to go, Anko? Be sure to tape his mouth, so he can't scream for help." Anko did as she was told, before finishing her chips in front of Kris. "Oh, no, there's only one left! Say, you hungry, Kris?" He nodded, hoping she'd leave him with a packet and untape his mouth. "No? You gotta speak up!" Kris knew she was taking the piss now. He was starving, it had been hours since he was knocked out. "Ok, if you don't want it, I guess i'll take this potato chip... and eat it!" She said as she ate the last chip in front of his face and then stood up and left the room. Tsukiko leaned over towards Kris and whispered in his ear. "Please... don't make me do this again..." She walked to the radio and found some wonderful classical music for him to enjoy. "See ya in a few hours, Kris." she called, before shutting the door, leaving Kris starving, and forced to listen to the music he hated so much.

Outside, Tsukiko felt immense guilt for what she had just done. They were torturing him in there... Tsukiko should have known Anko would suggest something like this. "Tsukiko? You ok there?" She didn't respond. Having to be a part of this was horrible, even if it was teaching Kris a lesson. "Hello, Earth to Tsukiko? Cmon, we got a lot to discuss!" Anko called her again, this time earning a response. "...Did we really have to do that..?" Anko sighed. "I've dealt with a lot of brats in my time. He'll learn his lesson. Y'know, Kakashi ties his students to logs out by the training fields, starving worse than he is. Don't worry about him." Tsukiko nodded a little, and followed Anko to her place, where they would discuss Kris' behaviour so far.

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Chapter 4 done. This one was less humour based, but I hope you can forgive that. Chapter 5 will be the chat between Anko and Tsukiko, and will be uploaded tomorrow. Until then, hope you enjoyed it!


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